Reflection
by samandfreddie38
Summary: Why Beck means everything to Jade; why she can't live without him. Why Jade is the way she is, and why she would fall apart without Beck. Jade&Beck one-shot.


**This is my first attempt at a Jade&Beck one-shot, so please be nice even if it's REALLY bad…xD . This was kind of a test to see how I would do with writing Jade&Beck fanfics, and I love them! But Sam&Freddie will ALWAYS be the best…okay, enough of me ranting. Here is "Reflection"!**

* * *

They don't understand. No one does.

Why I am so possessive, so mean, so bitter. They don't have any _idea._

I _need _him. He's the only thing that's right in my life. If I lost him, I would lose _everything._

My life at home is a wreck. But I don't tell anyone. I don't even want to talk about it on here. I don't want sympathy. I don't want to be viewed as someone who can't handle life. I don't want to be seen as a weak person.

So I build these barriers in order that I can't get hurt more than I already am. He's the only one that's been able to break them down. So I let him in. It was the best decision of my life.

I know what you're thinking. You let him in, and you felt good. So if you just let others in, you'll feel so much better.

Well, how do I put this lightly. Wait, I'm Jade. I don't put things lightly.

You're _wrong_.

He's different. He's my foundation, my strength, my rock. He _understands_ me.

As if you hadn't figured that out already. I'm sure you've seen me after I broke up with him after a fit of rage. The worst decision of my life. I was a mess. I even went to _Tori_ for help.

_Tori._

The girl that I can't help but hate. How can you blame me? The first time I saw her, she was _rubbing _my _boyfriend_. And she _made out_ with him during that ABC acting exercise in Sikowitz's class. In _front _of me. How could she do that? She betrayed me, he betrayed me. I don't think he knows that I'm still hurt by that one day.

True, I _had _dumped coffee on her head. But that's _me. _I don't deal with jealousy well. I know you're saying _Well no DUH_, but I can't handle things like that. If I lost him to her, I would lose my life.

I know that doesn't justify what I did. But it's impossible for me to open up to people or to keep all of my frustration bottled up inside. Sometimes I do things that I don't want to do. And when I'm doing them, I am inwardly cursing myself, trying to make myself stop. But I'm out of control. I can't stop. And I _hurt_ people. I would be _so_ much worse if he wasn't with me, creating this perfect balance between us. If I am to remain somewhat sane, I need to keep him with me, forever.

And I'm not just some lovesick teenager with a harmless crush. He is _everything_ to me; I could _easily_ see him as the one I woke up next to in twenty years. I feel safe when I'm with him. All of my domestic problems disappear when he's with me. I feel whole. And if he is suddenly gone one day, I _would_ be harmed. I can't face life without him. He is the essence of my existence.

I knew I made a mistake the moment I screamed _I'm not your girlfriend anymore!_ I was possessive. Seeing him even _talking_ with another girl made the alarms in my head shatter my skull with their ringing. I lost control. I made a _mistake. _I'll admit it: I'm _far_ from perfect.

He said that I did nothing nice for him those years we dated. I didn't realize how much he meant to me. I didn't realize that I treated him like dirt, throwing my frustration and anger on him when I just needed someone to turn to.

So that night, one of the _best_ nights of my life, the night I said, _You love me again._ And my heart skipped a few beats when he responded, _Who said I stopped?_

That was when I discovered how much of me I gave to him, how much of my heart he controlled. All of it. I gave _all _of me to him. I _trust_ him; I believe he'll do _anything_ for me.

Beck, if you're reading this, _I love you._ I guess I don't say that enough. But I do. More than you could ever imagine.

* * *

**I actually just thought of something: the title "Reflection" has a double meaning. Jade is reflecting on her relationship with Beck and how he means EVERYTHING to her. Also, Beck is a reflection of who Jade wants to be, and he balances her out.**

**Oh yeah, I'm deep. xD**

**So, does this make you wanna barf or review? Take your pick!**

**Oh, and a quick note to 'shysinger101': I can't reply to your message b/c you disabled the private message option on your profile...so...hehe :/**


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